


Lost Moments

by Ealasaid_Alasdair



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ealasaid_Alasdair/pseuds/Ealasaid_Alasdair
Summary: Claire misses Faith while watching newborn Brianna sleep.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp & Faith Fraser
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	Lost Moments

My sweet Faith,

I am sitting in Briannas nursery and feel like I cannot breathe. Ever since she was born a few weeks ago I long for you. I just wish I could tell her about you but then I would have to tell her about your father- and I promised not to. But no matter what you are and will always be a part of this family. 

Tonight, I cannot ignore my longing for you.  
Oh Faith! A few moments ago, Brianna smiled in her sleep as I caressed her cheek. She looks so much like your Da. I miss him so much. And I miss you Faith. 

Some days I cannot bear the pain. I must go on for your little sister and I will, but every single day is a struggle. 

Jesus there are so many things I long for. 

I wish I could have….  
… seen your eyes taking in your surroundings  
… hear your tiny voice just once – one little cry  
… felt you holding my hand  
… see you smile in your sleep just like your Da and little sister.  
You never opened your eyes. You never cried one single scream. So peaceful and beautiful you lay in my arms.  
I wish I could have…  
… read to you for hours or sit and listen to your Da telling you tale after tale  
… braided your hair  
… rocked you to sleep when you are tired  
… cared for the wounds you surely would have got running around Lallybroch with your cousins.  
Your life was so short. So many lost moments. So much longing.

I wish you could have stayed with us. I wish I could have given you a long healthy life. I wish we all could be together in one time holding each other as a family should. 

I am angry and sad that your Da only ever got to feel you while you were still in my belly. That he never got to see your angelic little face. Never got to hold you. He loved to tell you all about his day those nights in Paris. Every single time he came into our bed he leaned over my belly and told you about his day. „Da is back, guess what happened today“  
He never got to do this while I was pregnant with Brianna. He will never see her too.  
Brianna will never know him and will never know she has a big sister.  
I miss you so much Faith. My arms long for you. I still can feel you in my arms and when I close my eyes, I am back in the L'Hôpital des Anges in those precious moments I got to spend with you.  
If I could just hold you one more time…

**Author's Note:**

> My first try at a fanfic. 
> 
> As english is not my mother language I hope you can understand everything. 
> 
> The fic started of by a little poem I wrote for my own daughter who died 4 years ago a few hours after she was born.


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